Maria had always lived with her parents. She dreamed to go out home and when she was 18 years old, she said goodbye and she rent a house.
At first, she loved his house but gradually she felt very alone. She didn't had time because she wast all her time in cleaning, washing and buying things to the house.
A few weeks later, She called his mother and she apologized to her but she said:
"it's true that you are 18 years old, but if you want back to home, you should stay in YOUR home 1 month more, because you should learn to survive"
I like your use of expressions like ``on the one hand, on the other hand...´´. You´ve done a very good article expressing what´s the situation of moving out in Spain. If I have to change something, I´d only change the way you finish the story giving an opinion. Good work!
ResponderEliminarok, maybe, but this shouldn't be an essay - it should be a piece of short fiction! so: characters, action, etc.
ResponderEliminarIt is about a situation that must change, it doesn´t surprise me, it makes me feel sad.
ResponderEliminarAs Alfonso has said, this is not a story. The use of linkers, contrast and concluions sounds more like and essay that like a story. Be careful also with some mistakes you have. =)
ResponderEliminarGood story. Take care of grammar mistakes!However, perfect imagery and amazing end.
ResponderEliminar